Hey all,
Sorry it's been a while since I posted; between school, taking care of my son, and everything else going on my head is SPINNING to say the least. But I've managed to keep all of me together...somehow. I feel like every day presents a new challenge, a new of wanting to do something new but I'm consistently busy and it's truly hard to get things you want to get done...well...done. But most importantly, I make sure that I am spending time with my son as much as possible because it is super critical (to me) that he has a great foundational relationship with both of his parents.
You know I've been adjusting day by day to being an efficient and interactive Mom, making sure I'm doing laundry and giving him tummy time, making sure I'm washing his bottles and reading to him, making sure that I'm maintaining some kind of function around the house and making him smile. Just making sure I'm also helping myself, emotionally and I think as Mom's we forget that...a LOT. And that's not good!! I've recently had some breakdowns and thoughts that made me think "Oh, he deserves so much better" or "What if I'm not doing ENOUGH for him?" or just being mad at the world. Nobody said it was going to easy and it's definitely not but if not for that...it wouldn't be rewarding. For me, seeing the smile on my son's face when he looks at me is the reward...it IS my daily motivation to keep going and fight whatever is going on inside my head and it should be yours too.
Sometime last week, I felt COMPLETELY disgusted and I know this may be a little too much information but I'm sharing it anyways. I didn't shower for like two days (ew, I know) and I felt like all of the spit up was in my hair and stuck to my belly button; I was horrified and scared to take a shower without anyone else to watch him. However, our moms did this too so I asked my mom and she gave me reassurance and said that she would always put me next to the bathroom just in case and so she could hear me. I didn't exactly do that, but I left the door open (yes, I was FREEZING after) and took a shower. I felt very anxious but took a normal shower with the exception of washing my body because the cries were starting to emerge so I put it in hydro mode...LOL. But I did it and I was so so proud of myself for successfully taking a shower and that may sound silly to some of you but it was a big accomplishment for me and really stepping into the role of motherhood.
So, to all Moms who think they are doing a bad job or feel like are bad moms because they are feeling angry, sad, annoyed, etc... don't. We are all human but mostly our mental health should still be a priority no matter what and if that means screaming into a pillow or taking a stroll with your baby...do it. Or you can talk to me! You can message me by using the contact form on my page or e-mail me at inkandquartz@gmail.com!
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