Hi everyone!
I know it's been TOO long since I last posted but my life has been a little up and down and I now have a almost 2-year old in the mix so my brain is a big ball of mess....along with my emotions and overall life...BUT that's not how I'm starting this new year of 2023
RESOLUTION #1: No Alcohol
2023 is normally just another year, another number in my calendar that I look on by and I normally could care less about another number in my life but this year is going to be different for me. I've been so focused on pleasing everyone else, wanting friendships and/or relationships with people that I've really lost sight of who I am as a person and what I bring to the table. This and coupled up with alcohol doesn't help either and that's why I will be alcohol free from now on. I've realize that alcohol and me do not mix or add up in any good way and I know it's taken a lot of times for me to come to that realization but I'm confident enough to say no now. My mental health has just become completely comprised and the progress that I have made I just put in jeopardy with alcohol thinking it would make me not feel anything or to become numb but it does the complete opposite especially when taking medication. If you don't know already, medication and alcohol DO NOT MIX. Please avoid it at all costs; it's really not worth the the actions afterwards. I've become so embarrassed on how I act when I drink too much and I think that's really what drew the line for me. I hate feeling embarrassed of myself and embarrassing others when I'm too drunk...I can't feel that way anymore; it's not fair to myself nor the other people around me.
RESOLUTION #2: Be More Self-Aware of People and Their Actions
I've realized that I put myself out there so much and care so much about everyone and wanting to have genuine connections and friendships that I don't realize that it's never really reciprocated back to me which SUCKS cause I do feel like I can be someone's AMAZING friend but if I'm not going to get the same energy back then FUCK IT. One thing that I absolutely HATE is wasting my own energy on something that doesn't even exist. I mean like what am I even doing if there is no same energy or bigger energy into wanting to hangout or know someone more? It's just pointless and I've done it for wayyyyy too long now. So, I've accepted the fact that (or will be trying to this year) that being by myself is just fine because I have my son and that's all I truly need in my life.
But if you end up reaching out to me, I ask two things: 1) DO NOT BE FAKE and 2) DO NOT BE INCONSISTENT. If you are either of those things, don't even reach out to me because I'm over both of those character traits in people...I literally cannot and will not be around you.
RESOLUTION #3: Find My Passion and Know My Reason
2022....and currently feeling stuck within my life. I'm not really sure what I am supposed to be doing or going or just being in general. Like, where the hell is my passion and why is it hiding from me?! I just want to feel unstuck...I want to feel like I'm doing something enjoyable and something with passion with my life...not just winging it day-by-day. Not sure if that's finding a new career or just being somewhere different but I need to figure it out because I don't want to live stuck. I want to live life with no regrets and enjoy each day but not sure how to figure out my true passion or what I am really supposed to be doing.
I do love blogging and I am definitely going to try to be as consistent with it as I can (considering I'm a full-time student and single mom). I want to dive deeper into the psych
ology of fashion and trends and understanding consumer decisions since studying fashion and merchandising this past year. Truly believe that's what I am supposed to be doing but who the hell knows honestly....just looking for any kind of sign that can lead me to a better life with me and my son.
RESOLUTION #4: Read More
I think I say this resolution every year LOL but here it is again. However, I think this resolution will be more after I finish school which feels like forever from now.
Please comment on the best way to get some good reads on (besides the library)
RESOLUTION #5: Figuring Out How to Exercise w/ an Al
most 2-year-old
Let's just say I am not happy with the shape I am in right now and even saying that is a huge understatement. I've wanted SO badly to start working out again for various reasons but 2 of them being for my physical and mental state of mind. However, it's really difficult for me to figure out I can truly have a successful workout when I have a 2-year old dumping his Hot Wheel cars all over the floor in my living room LOL. I've thought about home workouts for the longest time now but it truly would be a challenge considering I have no space in my living room nor do I have the energy/motivation to want to workout after I put my son to sleep. Honestly, being in a gym environment would be the best idea for me but the "when" part would be the biggest deciding factor due to me going straight home to my son.
SO, if you all have any suggestions or ways that works for you working out with a little one. PLEASE....let me know cause I definitely miss working out and feeling good mentally and physically.
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